2014.1

20. Get an animal at the zoo to wave at you. [14 points ]

21. Welcome to the UC, bitch! You know, for a campus full of misunderstood hotties angsting out over the pitfalls of wealth and popularity, it’s surprising we’ve never had a teen soap set here. Until now! Create the opening credits sequence of the show in the style of an iconic high school melodrama of your choice. [7 points ]

59. Libertarian gentlewo/men, start your engines! The trailer for Logo’s next big show: Ron Paul’s Drag Race. It’s the gold standard of drag! [7 points ]

65. A superbass flu-u-u-u flu-u-u-u-ute. [1 point ]

70. Coming up next on PBXXX, it’s Sexxxy Antiques Roadshow. [XXX points, where X=2 for a highlight reel of no more than 4 minutes]

94. Son, that’s the biggest hypotrochoid I’ve ever seen! [23 points ]

98. Sorry to bubble bubble bubble pop, but even PSY is sick of “Gangnam Style”. Thankfully, there’s a generation of material for girls to fall back on. At Judgment, have an ensemble completely nail the choreography from your favorite K-POP video. Girls, bring the boys out if you need more dancers/exboyfriends to push into a pool. [23 points ]

102. Thomas the Tank EngineTM and Theodore the Tugboat both adequately prepared me for the world of terrestrial and aquatic vehicles, but times are changing. Create a 30-second video for today’s preschoolers that literally and figuratively puts a human face on Predator drones. [12 points ]

104. Has this ever happened to you? No. But it could. Create a one-minute montage of ten plausible informercial-calibre disasters. [6 points ]

127. In his famous essay “Consider the Lobster”, David Foster Wallace investigates lobsters’ capacity to feel pain, but surely the pain of being boiled alive is only secondary to the many indignities of modern life. To that end, prove that lobsters really do feel pain by subjecting a live lobster to: heartbreak, work-related stress, existential dread, civil rights inequality, and sexual objectification. [11 points ]

130. Yeah man, balloon music is the future. Play “Haitian Fight Song” on a balloon bass. [15 points. 5 more points for the opening cadenza]

134. Flex your pectorals in time with the Can Can. [6-pack points ]

136. “Next Time, on Scav Hunt”. . . As the credits roll on this year’s Hunt, present us with a 30-second preview of scenes from the next installment. [8 points ]

138. One successful, rule-abiding completion of the Disney® Store challenge. [4 points ]

148. A two minute video explaining 2012’s fiscal cliff negotiations, with narration and images in the style of Teen Girl Squad. [10 points ]

197. Look, we’re not claiming to be experts here, but we’re pretty sure that a real documentary is supposed to have solemn narration, talking head experts, “Ashokan Farewell”, and the inability to show a still photo for more than two goddamn seconds without panning or zooming. With that in mind, use footage taken throughout the Hunt to create your own brief film in the style of Ken Burns recounting the adversity and triumph faced by your team each day. New episodes, not to exceed 2 minutes each, should be posted on YouTube by 11:59 p.m. on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. [20 points ]

208. An aquagraphic-style water curtain that displays your team name or logo. [250 points ]

256. Group hug! Group high-five! Group bootyquake! No goddamn limit. [Limit 10 points. 0.2 points per participant]

261. Very few people know that May 10th is Bring Your Mariachi Band to Work Day. We have a feeling that this year, a lot of people are going to find out. [10 points ]

271. This year for Scav, auto-eroticism! I’ve always found eyelashes for your car’s headlights alluring...but tame. What if they could blink—or wink—at me on command? And what if your car starting hitting on me...even more?! [11 points ]

278. “Bartlett! Pierce Tower! Bart Mart! What did they have?! All together now....”. UChicago’s own Marvin Zindler Impersonator has the campus Rat & Roach report. Points for fealty to the original Zindler. [7 points ]

300. In Scav Hunt, there are no mistakes, only happy accidents. Instruct the completion of some other item in a Bob Ross-style documentary. [7 points ]